Wednesday, 8 June 2016

Sleepless in Hernonissos


 


It’s late and I’ve had a couple of glasses of Greek wine out of a plastic bottle.  It’s surprisingly good.  Grant is fast asleep but somehow sleep is not coming my way.  If this is a bit soppy put it down to sculling red wine. 

This is the first time I am going back to England since Mum died, now two years ago.  I am a little afraid.  What of?  The uncertainty of coping with a country without mum in it, and, after seeing the people I love having to say goodbye perhaps for the last time. I am seventy now and probably won't go to England again.  It's such a bloody long way,  but there again who knows.

I went to Australia without a qualm in my twenties leaving everyone who mattered and started afresh.  Some of it was anguish and homesickness but most of it was rich in friendships and a real love for my new hot amazing country, which has  (until recently) always adapted itself to new people coming with their gifts to join the evolving society. There is sometimes a brusqueness in the welcome but nevertheless almost everyone finds a spot for themselves.
 
I feel enormously blessed but scared of the point I am at, on this particular journey -just about to go back and visit England, which, had I had stayed there, would also have been good in its own way.  There are people there whom I love and could have served better.

 Nowadays love doesn’t vanish with migration and, with all the means of communication we have, doesn’t even need to wither.  I see my 18 month old grandson, Caiden, resident in Cambodia covered in yoghurt and saying joyously “Yog” on Skype. We are so lucky these days.

Travelling to new places is frivolous in a way, no emotional cost and a lot of fun, but going back to where you came from is a mixed business.  I feel eager anticipation alongside a sense of the huge minus of mum who is gone. I want to reconfirm what it all meant during those years I belonged and I want to say goodbye and thank you to England for whatever it was that launched me on my life as it has turned out to be.

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